Come Talk to Me
on talking!
Sometimes it can be hard to break down initial feelings of discomfort, but I enjoy the challenge of a good conversation. In fact, one of my pet peeves is small talk. It sounds really weird but if I am asking you how your day was— I really want to know. And if you ask me, I am expecting you to pull up a chair and listen to me ramble!
But I get it. We live in an age where everything is so quick and people don’t have time or energy to talk.
Having a meaningful conversation with someone can be hard— especially with a stranger. But if you’re up to the challenge, here are 5 easy ways to make the time flow and to connect with someone mutually.
100%: Leave the phone in your pocket. Turn off notifications. Give the person you are in front of your complete attention. Being present is a sign of respect and it shows that you genuinely care about what that person has to say. You don’t have to lock eye contact the entire time (that’s a little weird), but at least show that you want to be spending time with this person.
Ebb & Flow: many thoughts come to us as other people talk, so share what comes up even if it was something you didn’t think you would share. A natural conversation guides itself.
Ask questions: don’t play cool! Ask questions about things you don’t know, places you haven’t been, perspectives you don’t share— people love it when they get to play master about a topic. Being honest and asking for clarity is an easy way to show that you’re listening— and often one we overlook.
Don’t Lecture: if you were hoping to talk about something and not get interrupted or to have every idea agreed upon— become a professor or write a book. A real conversation is between two or more people with real experiences and ideas— allow people to open up your own mind and poke holes in your logic. Look at it as a form of cognitive hygiene!
Open-ended questions: Try and yield diverse and interesting questions, so you can fully get to know a person. No monosyllable answers on your end either!
This probably sounds odd, but the reality is for many people who have social anxiety or are naturally introverted— talking to anyone can feel impossible. It does for me all the time (hence approaching this topic like a challenge). But once you’re over the initial feelings of fear, you quickly realize that there is nothing to be afraid of. All people are interesting and everyone has a story to share.
photo belongs to me