On 22
Happy Birthday, Breonna Taylor!
sweet sweet Breonna. today you should be celebrating your 28th birthday as I celebrate my 22nd but there is no joy on this day. for instead of celebration, I am left with a heavy reminder of just how insignificant Black women are to the world.
How our obvious murders can be reduced to wanton endangerment (Breonna Taylor). How our labor is exploited as we selflessly put ourselves on the front line, only for our death to barely make the news (Oluwaytoyin). How our youth is stripped away from us and our brutality is justified (Ma’Khia Bryant).
I could name others: Sandra Bland, India Kager, Tanisha Anderson, Natasha McKenna, Korryn Gaines, Lajuana Philips, Michelle Cusseaux, Atatiana Jefferson, Pamela Turner, Yvette Smith, Miriam Carey, Shelley Frey, Darnesha Harris, Malissa Williams, Rekia Boyd, Aiyana Stanley-Jones, Kendra James, Jarika Wilson, and Tyisha Miller, Eleanor Bumpurs, and too many more.
While we cannot celebrate any of these Black women in the flesh we can celebrate their legacies through the ways we treat the Black women in our own lives. By affirming their dignity, amplifying their voices and their talents, and preserving their livelihood by any means necessary. At the very least, some of you could start by knowing our names.
Breonna, I wonder how you would have celebrated today. would you have been excited or nervous to be closer to 30? what kind of cake would you have enjoyed?
I guess I’ll never know. but I’ll be blowing out 6 extra candles in your name. and I’ll be reflecting on the life you lived while working towards the future you deserved. I only wish you were alive to see it.
22 Lessons for 22 Years
My worth is not defined by my productivity. The things that I can’t quantify on my resume are just as important to nurture— can I be a good friend? A good partner? A good community member? Do I know how to have fun, can I be a team player? I’d be lying if I said the rush of winning an award, securing a prestigious internship, or acing a class doesn’t feel good, but what’s next? And in 20, 30, 40, 50 years when I reflect back on my life, will I be thinking about the sleepless nights where I crammed to study for an exam or go above and beyond for a paper OR will I think about the time I spent harvesting and growing with community gardens around Asheville? Will I think about the random days I spend looking at art or drinking coffee with my friends? Or the time I dedicated my summers to service—teaching English in China or translating court documents at the U.S-Mexico border? These are the moments that I want to define my life. Because if you took my GPA or number of degrees away from me tomorrow, you’d never be able to take away those experiences.
Similarly, my career is one part of my identity. Technically, I have no career yet. I’m jumping from undergrad to grad and I couldn’t be happier. But as an incoming MPP, I am already a bit overwhelmed by the mandatory internship I will have to complete by next summer. But I am calming myself down by reminding myself that my career in public service is not my whole life. Sure, my passion is rooted in service and in so many ways service is my north star, but I also know that in my free time I love writing subpar poetry, messing around with film cameras, and baking until I lose track of time. I could spend hours at a museum if you let me, and am seriously considering a concurrent career in documentary film-making. I don’t have to limit myself to one thing, for as long as I am staying true to who I am I will thrive in whatever I decide.
Putting my mental health first. I know, I know. Easier said than done. But at the end of the day, taking care of our mental health is so incredibly important. Whether it’s acknowledging your childhood trauma with the help of a therapist, practicing mindfulness, or removing yourself from a toxic environment or relationship— it may look different for everyone but for everyone it’s important. I know it’s common to shame or stigmatize mental illness, but I would encourage us to look at it as mental wellness. This releases the burden of thinking we need to be perfect, flawless beings, but instead to treat our mental health like a hygienic practice. We keep our physical bodies in good shape by eating well, working out, cleaning ourselves, etc. We should be implementing daily practices that do the same for our minds, hearts, and spirits.
Relationships—platonic, romantic, and everything in between, take work. They are a deliberate choice. It’s choosing to listen, to show up, to pay attention to those small details. They are commitments and it’s really important to build those muscles of care and intention because those create the foundations for a very fulfilling life.
Eat whatever the hell you want. I am constantly assaulted on social media: what my body should look like, that carbs are the enemy, cut out sugar, go keto, stop eating after 7:00 pm, etc. This is no way for me (personally) to live. One day, I had a moment where I was talking about trying out this idea of intuitive eating with a friend who lives abroad, and she goes: “wow. sounds like diet culture is so pervasive that if it never existed, intuitive eating would just be called…..eating!” Food doesn’t exist as inherently good or bad. That is meaning that we as a society have placed on our food. Food just exists.
You can never own too many earrings.
Go the extra mile. Having a phone has connected us in so many ways, but in doing so it has also removed us from physical acts of kindness. But instead of a quick happy birthday using Facebook reminder, what if you baked that person something special? Instead of an email thank you, what if you took the time to write someone a handwritten note? These extra steps show thoughtfulness in a really simple way and are guaranteed to make someone happy!!
Life is too short to not enjoy french fries, so my friend, please enjoy as many as you can!
Read more. Of course, this is coming from someone with a BA in English Literature. I really implore you to swap out those moments you would normally spend on your phone in the morning with reading instead! It really changes how you start the day!
Journal often. (every day if you can)
Take long walks. Ironically, I’ve swapped out the intensity of how often I run with long walks instead. Leave your phone at home, or pop in some earbuds for music or a podcast, and just allow your body to take in your environment. Now that I am in Ann Arbor, I walk along Lake Huron, and the smell of the river takes me right back to the beaches of Winneba or my walks around Qingdao. Back in Asheville, I’d walk around campus, and in Charlotte- there is a pretty cool greenway to walk along! Get outside!!
Do more things by yourself. Pre-Pandemic, I was the queen of going solo to an art gallery/museum, seeing a movie by myself, or going to a coffee shop. I’m putting it on my bucket list to go to a restaurant (or at least get a cocktail) by myself- I’ll keep you updated! The point is, if you wait to do things unless others can join you, you might be waiting your whole life. So just go. I promise you no one is paying attention to you.
Think before you speak, Elina. I wrestle with this one a lot. I am naturally quiet or reserved around others, but an easy way to get me talking is whenever the discussion turns to politics, foreign/domestic policy, or community organizing. Everyone has an opinion about something. Everyone desires to be heard. But I have been challenging myself to think more critically about why people have the opinions they do, to listen to people’s stories before I arise to judgment. It’s a discipline no doubt, but one that I am eager to continue to practice.
There is no such thing as saving something for a special occasion. Every moment you take a breath is in and of itself special, so wear the damn outfit you have always wanted to wear, burn the candle, crack open the wine, and dive into the moments you’ve always wanted to but have been saving for that moment.
Professionalism…..has to do with mannerisms and actions. It doesn’t mean you can’t have a tattoo, or a piercing, or pink hair. This is your life. And if an employer has a problem with it, they don’t deserve you.
Create boundaries. No phones before x. Stop working after y. My partner can’t do x to me. I won’t tolerate x or y. If Ciara from Summer House can create boundaries on reality t.v, so can you!!! You won’t get anywhere by overworking yourself to death, and bending your boundaries for anyone will only lead to hurt feelings (your hurt feelings to be exact). Protect yourself. Yes, you can take risks and step out of your comfort zone, but at the end of the day…always listen to your gut!!
Your dreams are worth chasing, so please don’t settle out of fear or comfort.
Don’t do things because of what other people might think of you, or try to fulfill someone else’s expectations. You don’t want to reflect back on your life and regret decisions you would make differently.
Stay engaged. There is nothing cute about not understanding what’s going on in the world. Crack open some books, have conversations, and invest in your communities!!!
Have fun!! Laugh!!! Don’t take yourself or life too seriously!!
Create your own rituals and traditions. Share them with others or keep them to yourself. Love every aspect of your life, and find reasons to celebrate even the small things!
You can do hard things.